As a hurried stay-at-home mom being just part of my role in this world and lifetime, I sometimes dare to ask daddy for help. However, the other night happened to be one of those instances. I had been on-the-go and on my feet since 8:45 that morning, no mind that I had actually had a total of four and half hours of interrupted sleep. Plus, I had been miserably awake for some time before I had to wake the kids and take my son to pre-school.
Bathtime
Anyway, it was bath time and I was in the bathroom filling the tub and adding toys. My four year old had already stripped and hopped into the water. Prior to this, just before I walked into the bathroom, daddy had walked in to find a blue liquid all over the toilet. We don’t have any bowl cleaners in there…I scrub that beast myself! Daddy had come out to get me so I could see what my son had done. That’s how I ended up in the bathroom in the first place.
A Mysterious Blue Liquid
Through a series of questions and investigative eye search for blue liquid in the room, we were able to deduce the culprit was Aidan. Aidan in the bathroom with the children’s bubble gum flavored mouth rinse. For some reason, he decided to squeeze the mouth rinse into the toilet bowl and missed. Now…ladies, go figure! He can’t even get his mouth rinse in the bowl without missing. No wonder there was a film of urine surrounding the toilet when I scrubbed it just a few hours earlier that day. But back to my request for help from daddy.
Options for Daddy
Bless his heart, he is so well-intentioned. He had gone to the other room while I was surveying the blueness of my freshly cleaned toilet. Then he shouted from the other room he needed help getting our two year old undressed and bath ready. When I didn’t respond, he appeared in the bathroom door asking for my help. I explained I was attempting to clean the blue mess he had pointed out to me. Rather than him just cleaning it himself.
He said, “Well I need your help with Logan”. My response was…”either you clean the toilet and I get Logan undressed or you take care of Logan”. He didn’t say another word. He just turned and walked back to undressing our son. Apparently, even through his denials of missing the toilet bowl he is fully aware of what may be growing around the toilet.
Into the Tub
Moments later, I had removed the blue and I was in the process of filling the tub. Remember…I was adding toys to the bath water. Daddy brought in a naked boy and stretched his arms out over the water ready to insert one kid into the water. Since our four year old was already in the water this left the two year old daddy undressed. I turned just in time to see my son gently lowered to the water with his socks still on.
Immediately, daddy recognizes he missed the socks and pulled him out of the water and held him in the air over the floor. Water dripping…no, pouring…from the now drenched socks. I remove the socks and put them in the washing machine, which happens to be right by the bathroom door.
Still Cleaning
Logan is put back in the tub. Meanwhile, Daddy exits stage right to the living room for some man-show. Consequently, I am in the bathroom now cleaning the floor, again.
Now about this time, I’ll bet you must be thinking I have the cleanest bathroom in town. Let me reassure you by the time you finish reading this sentence there will have been another mess in the bathroom.
First Time Daddy Cleaning
How about the time my younger son had not been born yet. In fact, we weren’t even pregnant yet. Imagine this, it was summer and my first born was roughly six months old. He was an accomplished messy eater in his high chair.
Naturally, as the mom, I handle most of the feedings and cleanings. I don’t recall now why there was an issue with me doing the cleaning this time. However, whatever the case was, I asked Daddy to help.
The Mess
Daddy is fretting this and saying, the baby is so messy. I tell him not to worry about it. So, Daddy tries to clean the baby between his bites. But our son is smearing applesauce across his tray, dumping his sippy cup upside down, leaking. Smashed green beans. You get the picture. His food covering his body, inside his diaper and thoroughly through his hair.
Daddy asked how he was going to clean this up. I just waved my hand like no problem, we’ll get him hosed off. It’s not a big deal!
Something Missed
How the disconnect here, I don’t exactly know. How I didn’t catch this in the first tracks of action, I have no clue. Next thing I realize, Daddy has our son stripped naked in the middle of the back yard with the hose! Spraying him down, just as I had suggested. Poor kid!
Now, explain to me how I can say hose him down and Daddy takes it that literally. Yet, when I say pick up your dirty underwear off the floor and put them in the laundry basket…? And the underwear are simply flung to the end of the bed for me to pick up later? What gives here?
Another Incident
The bathroom incident is merely one example of an ongoing reinforcement that men don’t think. I was greatly relieved to discover the following conversation was not just my experience but the experience of women world-wide.
I sat down to change a diaper and the wipes were just out of reach. I asked daddy, who was between me and the wipes, to hand the wipes to me. Here we go, follow me on this.
Actual Dialogue
“For what?” he says. “Because I am changing a messy diaper”, I reply. Let’s see if you can figure out who is saying what here.
“Where?”…””On the table”…”On what table”…”The table right there”…”Right where?”
…”In front of you”…”What”…”The wipes on the table in front of you”…”What wipes?”…”The ones in the purple box on the table in front of you”…”What box?”
…”The purple box”…”…”The wipes?”…”YES! The wipes in the purple box on the table in front of you!”…”You want me to hand these to you?”…””Just give me the wipes!”
…”how many do you need”…”just hand me the box”…”the whole box?”…”will you just hand me the damn box, please”
…”you shouldn’t have put them there, what were you thinking”
…AAAAGH!
Surrender…?
So maybe men don’t think but what in the world WAS I thinking when I agreed to have this man or any man in my life? Is there any hope my sons will grow to be different?
Response Magic