Her name is Jenny but after one unexpected adventure friends call her by her alias name, the Bat Killer. She is not fond of furry creature friends, not even dogs or cats. Some stories are just plain hilarious and have to be shared but sometimes in telling someone else’s story the heart of it is lost. So here is a true story of an….um, adventure. An adventure my friend Jenny had in her own home. She didn’t even have to leave the house. In her words, directly from her email:
The Bat Killer Story
“You all can now call me Jenny…alias Bat Woman… or Bat Killer, whichever you prefer!
I’ll try to be brief (??) NOT.
I went to a singing talent show case Monday night near New Hope on August 10th and met a friend from Philly introduced to me by Mary while she was visiting me last month. Got home… getting ready for bed, taking make up off, etc. Other details are not important, but if there was a video, it would add value!! Nonetheless, I noticed a brown blob on the ledge of my window while I was completing my routine. Looking at it with focus, I determined that it was some sort of (Tyrannosaurus Rex) spider.
Yet, I knew that was impossible and I couldn’t admit it to myself what it really was! So, like a child, I ran to my Housemate (Lori) who was in bed and asked her to come to my room and verify the object for me. I told her I thought it was a “bat” (but in my heart I hoped it wasn’t). She agreed with me after looking at it with a flashlight?? (but the light was already on) that it was a BAT!! Now the fun begins.
First, I love that Jenny went to get Lori. Second, the flashlight…and the main light was already ON! I am already entertained at this point and can totally see this playing out.
Chaos Ensues
What to do?? Grab a broom, grab a plastic bag, grab the Ant spray, grab the Clorox!!! What were we thinking!!!! I got a small potato chip box with a lid thinking we could shove the dead or sleeping Bat into the box with a lid rather than a plastic sack which would engage flight potential. Not that the flimsy lid would keep the bat contained! Lori used the butt end of the broom to shove it into the box. That didn’t work!! It took flight!
Here again, the anticipation of figuring out if the bat was alive or dead. And thinking about what I have on hand, I probably would have grabbed the ant spray and Clorox too! I haven’t had much reason for BAT spray!
It’s Alive!
She responded immediately with batting (no pun intended) the Bat several times to the ground and capturing it underneath the broom whisk. Her street hockey experience came in handy. We sprayed everything we had on it through the broom and the “chirping” continued. It was not going to die! Lori couldn’t move as she had the broom strategically placed with pressure on the Bat to keep it from escaping. Hence, I couldn’t get past her in the doorway to get to the Bat.
Plan of Attack
Her back was starting to hurt by keeping this stance. She asked me for a large vase to set upon the Bat. I thought…that’s not going to help. We need major weight. I then said, “there is only one way out of this, I’m going to have to stomp on it” with my big heavy feet and rotund body. We knew if we moved the broom, it would fly into our face and hair and possibly bite us or escape into the house. Having had the horrifying experience as a child, of a Bat chasing me from the school swing set to home, I could not endure a Bat in my face and neither could Lori!
The Bat Killer Succeeds
So, somehow I got beyond our butts in the doorway and positioned myself to engage a stomping fest on the broom whisk-end. I leveled 5 huge stomps and the chirping stopped. After looking at each other for a few seconds, Lori dared to pick up the broom to see the outcome. The Bat eyes were facing Lori and she saw blood. I only saw a flattened black-winged bat. So I rolled up my nice rug with the Bat in it and secured the sides in case it had nine lives. Then, I threw the Bat, the rug and the broom into the garbage and put it outside for pick up in the morning. After that, I cleaned my bathroom until 3:30 a.m. and took two muscle relaxers to sleep in order to avoid any potential Bat dreams.
The Aftermath
I got up around 7:30 this morning…and after having been outside to retrieve the paper and the mail, had a cup of coffee, been to the bathroom a few times…it’s now 10:30 am and I just realized my shirt (with three buttons on the top) has been on backwards all morning.
All that excitement, I can relate to putting my shirt on backwards!
Afterthought
Naturally, as I read my friend’s email I am in fits of laughter. Tears rolling down my face as I can imagine every bit of this story. She said a video would have been great but her story is so clear, my imagination is as good as any video. The bat killer of the century. I have seen only a few bats in my day for which I appreciate that very much. Supposing I had found one in my home, I would be packing my bags and looking for a new home. On second thought, I take that back, I would send someone else to pack my belongings.
About Bats
This first bit is no surprise to me. The last week of October is the time to celebrate bats. It seems fitting with Halloween and all. Spooky bats fell into this holiday just because they fly around at night and look like a vampire mammal. At least, that is in my opinion. They aren’t typically attacking people which eliminates that creepy reason for their association with this famed holiday.
There are over 1,300 species of bats across the world. Ranging in size from the tiniest creature weighing less than a copper penny on up to bats with 6 feet wing expansions. And contrary to what many people believe, bats are not blind. In fact, their ears help them listen for sound waves and as a result, their vision is up to 3x better than human vision!
Other Interesting Facts
- There is one colony living in the caves in Mexico with a solid population of over 15 million bats in that single colony.
- Bats give birth to one-two offspring annually.
- They contribute to the natural production of over 300 species of fruit; including mangoes, bananas and avocados. Plus agave which is key to making tequila. Seriously, we better take care of our bats!!!
- In some states, it is illegal to kill bats due to endangered species counts.
- Not all bats hibernate.
- Bats are not always rabid. However, with few natural predators (owls and snakes and hawks), disease is the biggest threat to bats.
- They are the only flying mammals and can reach speeds up to 100mph.
The Most Weird Facts about Bats
I couldn’t help saving these two bizarre facts about bats for last. I certainly didn’t expect to learn this about them. First, the feces of a bat is called guano. I knew that. Oddly enough, it is a random fact I learned in junior high. Are you ready for it? Okay, the guano of the bat sometimes is glittery! That’s right! Rub your eyes and let that sink in a minute. You read it correctly, glitter! Such mean-looking little creatures that want to suck your blood (a myth, by the way) have glitter poop! Even on my best days, I don’t think I could pull that one off! Could you?
Second, the next crazy fact about bats. It could be an Innie or an Outie! What?! Yep, bats have belly buttons. Only bats and humans have belly buttons. Like humans, they have a 50/50 chance of an Innie or and Outie! I don’t know what this animal world is coming to when bats have belly buttons and poop glitter! And people question the existence of BIGFOOT?
Bats Are Important!
According to Bat Conservation Trust (UK), bats play an important role in many environments around the world. Some plants depend partly or wholly on bats to pollinate their flowers or spread their seeds, while other bats also help control pests by eating insects. Their guano is a fertilizer in demand. They are highly important to the regeneration of rain forests. And, of all things, it is said in some areas, bats are a draw for tourists. A particular bridge in Texas is home to thousands of bats and it is quite the show, apparently, when they take flight nightly to feed.
For these reasons, I am including the a link for further information on bat conservation. While this incident was amusing and ended in the tragic loss of a particular bat to the relief of a homeowner, bats can create serious problems for homeowners. Yet, their importance to our ecosystem cannot be denied. I encourage you to learn more about bats, how to keep bats from entering your home and how to help keep their populations healthy for our ecosystem.
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